when past lives hurt so much



Past lives!

You either believe in them or you don’t.

I do, and the chances are if you are reading this, you do as well.

I’ve done lots of past life work, and I know I’ve been here for quite a few lifetimes.

I’ve experienced torture, starvation, being caged and locked up, put to death, and burned at the stake.

I’ve been a child, a mother, a father, a sibling. A story teller. A healer. and A high priestess.

But I never saw this one coming.

I had been avoiding this call for so long.

I didn’t feel ready, despite feeling such a push.

And the fear lingered in my stomach like a bunch of knots getting tighter and tighter.

It was the second call with my mediumship mentor.

Part of my soul purpose that has been banging on my door for close to two years is finally being heard.

As a mother, the thought of being called to this work to help women who have experienced pregnancy loss or the loss of a child, to connect with the spirit of their child and hold space for them to receive the support, guidance and healing that they need – is heart wretchingly painful.

And after having had two miscarriages of my own prior to conceiving my first son, I know and understand the pain, anger, grief and shock that we experience.

Every time I even thought about doing this work, my eyes would fill with tears.

My heart would be in my throat.

And the voice in my head would say “I don’t know if I can do this”.

But the energy to resist and hold this work at arms length is exhausting.

And the resistance I have been feeling has been there for a number of reasons.

I haven not experienced the heart wrenching grief through the loss of a later pregnancy or child in this lifetime, and….this one is a biggy…the overwhelming fear that by opening myself up to this work I will attract this pain and grief into my life and something will happen to my children.

And while I have known these were there, I have not even been able to begin the task of delving to find out what is behind these fears and blocks.

Or even begin to shift them.

So on that Friday in my session with my mentor, she asked, what is this resistance, and fear…and where does this come from.

I closed my eyes, and I was taken back 7 lifetimes ago.

I was a woman, who wanted nothing more than to be a mother.

But my babies kept dying. There were 3.

I wanted so much to be a mother and I was not able to keep them alive.

I was taken back to that place. I was taken back to that time.

I felt the heartwreching pain in my chest.

Like someone was squeezing my lungs and had ripped out my heart. The pain and sadness and grief was more than I’ve ever experienced in this lifetime.

And with that I let out a wail. I let out a cry that filled the rooms of my house.

And my tears began to flow.

The pain, sadness and absolute grief that had been carried with me for so many lifetimes could finally be set free.

And all of that fear, and unbearable heartbreak came pouring out of me, through my tears.

And with the gentle warmth of support, my mentor held space for this pain to be released.

Her voice softly guiding me through the haze.

And as my tears flowed, my fear and resistance lessened their suffocating hold on me.

Lifetimes of pain and unbearable sadness being washed away, and finally the way of me seeing the light and being able to step into this work is coming through.

This is such huge work, and I’m feeling so honored that I’m being guided to step into this.

This is so unbelievable huge for me, and I wanted to share this breakthrough and shout it from the rooftops.

Because sometimes we have these overwhelming and suffocating fears, but we don’t know where they are from.

And while we may have not experienced something in our current lifetime. Our past lives are not separate from us, but all part of our evolution and experience as divine souls.

It is a continuation through time and space.

And we can carry that pain, and fears and blocks with us, until its time for us to release and understand the path we have been on.

Its all part of our divine journey of divine souls having a human experience, which has brought us to this time and this place.

I’m so honored you are here.

All my love and gratitude