I have to be honest, there are times I look in the mirror and do not recognise myself.
I think back to when I was in my early 20’s, with tanned skin, and flat toned tummy, and strong muscular legs…
And for a split second I think perhaps I want to be that girl again.
But then the realisation comes – I’m just not that girl anymore
I’m not that girl who could live on an apple a day……(who could running around after 3 kids, tending to a home, business, marriage and me)
I’m not that girl who could exercise for 2 maybe 3 hours per day.
I’m not that girl who could sleep in until late morning, and cruise into work when she wanted.
I’m not that girl who was so insecure, if my partner (now husband) would even (innocently) glance in the direction of another woman, let alone talk to them, I would be filled with anger, rage and jelousy.
I’m not that girl anymore who would feel so much hate for myself inside that I thought the only wayI was deserving and worthy of love was to be thin.
I’m not that girl who would send my body so much hate, and want to change every part of it.
I’m not that girl who would hold her voice in and never let her ideas be heard.
I’m not that girl who locked away her funny, rude, wild little girl
NO. I’m just not that girl anymore.
I’m now a woman, who has grown and birthed 3 people with my body.
I am now a woman who is covered with stretch marks because my body expanded so amazingly to accommodate those the amazing beings…not once but 3 times – 3 friggen times
I am now a woman with curves and bumps and lumps and marks which show the depth and expansion of my journey over the years
I am now a woman who, although may not look beautiful on the outside by ‘societies standards’, actually loves herself, and is more comfortable in her skin that ever before.
I am now a woman who can look in the mirror, at all of my ‘flaws’ and send them love.
I am now a woman who touches my body with love, instead of pulling it with hate.
I am now a woman with big voluptuous and juicy soul from all of the experience, wisdom, learning, love, surrender, trust and faith I have gained over the years…and this deliciousness exudes from every part of me.
I am now a woman who understands that the extra weight I carry, for some reason is serving me…and that is a gift to me. Not a curse.
I am now a woman who will wear what I want, say what I want, have my hair how I want, do as I want and not worry about what others think.
I am now a woman who no longer looks in the mirror and fears the darkness within her lurking below.
I am now a woman who has come home to herself.
A woman who is embracing her shadows.
A woman who has made friends with her anger and her rage, and her wild naughty little girl inside.
A woman who can be strong and fierce, and yet gentle and vulnerable at the same time.
I am now a woman who gives herself exactly what she wants and needs.
I am now a woman, and everytime I look in the mirror and for a second wish I was that girl,
I want to remind myself of this.
And perhaps you do to.
Love and hugs