real motherhood


After a few days of persevering to trying to get him sleep – he would come and say “I no want it”. I would say “You don’t want to sleep”, he would nod, I would nod and say “ok” and off he would run happily to play (his ruggy still in his hand).

And despite being absolutely exhausted by bed time, it seems he’s decided that its time to drop his day naps.

And I’m so grateful that we made it this long (he’ll be 4 in a couple of months).

And yet there is a part of me which is absolutely thrilled. Over the moon and truly relieved that this is happening.

With my other two, there was sadness – a feeling like they are growing up too quickly, and that I wanted them to be my babies for ever. But as they grow I’ve come to realise how amazing it is to watch these little people – I birthed into the world grow into their own divine selves.

The absolutely gorgeous kids they are, who blow me away every day – helps me to know that I must be doing something right – despite all of the mistakes I’ve made along the way.

But now as my third and final child reaches this point, I feel like breathing out a big breath of release.

Because I have got through those baby years, and the truth is I found them really, fucken hard.

Yes I’m just being honest. Being a mum is the hardest things I’ve ever done.

The sleep deprivation, the jumping at every noise, the having no fucken idea what they want or need, them being sick and not being able to tell me. And wanting to work on my dreams, and having to surrender and relinquish control to these divine little people and their need. Keeping the house going, tending to my needs, my intimate relationship (with myself and hubby), and being all the different roles that comes with being a mum.

And from a reformed control freak – that was fucking huge.

And I’m so grateful and blessed to have them, the lessons, the learnings the personal growth, seeing my children blossom into their own little beings, the absolute love, and at the same time and relieved that this phase is coming to a close.

Yes, I get there will be other challenges – yikes pre-teens and then the teenage years – but for now I’m just enjoying knowing that I can leave for a night and he will know I’m coming back.

That my hubby and I can start having regular date nights. That I can go on some of those interstate (or maybe ever overseas) trips/retreats I’ve been hearing to attend.

That nappies are mostly (except for overnight) and thing of the past.

That I can do some work while he happily plays by himself next to me. That he can grab a snack or a drink without me having to be there. That I can cook and clean, while he is happily doing his own thing – or even helping me.

We can wrestle and rough play, play hide and seek (when he actually hides until I comes and get him), or cuddle and watch a movie.

And the truth is I really can’t explain it. It just feels like a big milestone has been reached and I’m relieved.

Do you get what I mean?

Love and hugs